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How often has someone said something to you that is not nice, and your first reaction is to create HURT and then you blame others for hurting you?
But is it true? Does anyone have the power to hurt you?
Deep down you know that no one has the power to hurt you, and still, sometimes that does not prevent you from getting hurt when someone did not talk nicely with you.
How is Emotional Hurt Created?
The thing is that others do not have the power to hurt you with their words. They could have the intention of hurting you by using inglorious words, but the power to create hurt wholly and solely lies with you.
If you think thoughts like:
- How can be they so rude
- They always talk like this with me
- They always hurt me
This is when you create hurt. By creating thoughts of hurt. This happens because the kind of thoughts you think will create emotions along the same lines.
It is not possible for you to think happy thoughts and feel miserable or think miserable thoughts and feel happy. At any given time your thoughts will have a direct connection with the emotions that you feel.
When someone is rude, if you change your thought process and think thoughts like:
- Their words have no effect on me
- I choose to ignore their words
- I choose to focus on being happy
This is when you won’t create hurt. You too must have experienced this in your life. It won’t be that if someone is rude you will always create thoughts of hurt. There would have been times when someone was rude and you just ignored their words and moved on with your life.
I would like to explain this through one example. Now In the same situation, different people will create a different responses.
Take a family with 4 kids. If the father is aggressive and constantly belittles his kids. Then all the kids will respond in different ways because not all kids will create the same thoughts. One might feel insulted, others might ignore it, while one would understand that this is his nature and another might answer back.
In this case not all the kids will create hurt. This shows that the father did not hurt the child with his words, but the child created thoughts that my father criticized me and he created hurt.
Also, check out my blog on 4 Ways In Which Your Present thoughts Affect Your Life
How Did You Learn to Create Hurt?
As a child, you would not get hurt when anyone insulted or belittled you, even if you did, it would be temporary and you would quickly overcome it and go back to enjoying your life.
When you were created, you did not have that programming in you to create hurt when someone is rude. Instead, you had the programming to let it go and enjoy your life.
This means that you learnt to create hurt as you grew up. You learnt it by listening to others complaining that he/she can hurt us by being rude. This is how your mental programming gradually changes and you learn to hold on to the grudges and create hurt rather than ignoring and enjoying life.
I am not saying that the other person did the right thing by talking rudely, that is completely wrong. Talking rudely is their wrong karma, but creating hurt is your wrong karma. We only have the power to work on our karma and not on others’ karma.
When you change your programming and do not create thoughts of hurt, then it becomes easy to deflect venomous words from others.
Let’s face it, In today’s world, it is important to develop a thick skin and have nerves of steel. Because we cannot control how other people talk with us. But we can definitely control how we respond to it.
So change your response from creating hurt to creating indifference.
Also check out my blog on 6 Easy Steps To Manifest Your Destiny
4 Tips To Heal Your Emotional hurt
1) Believe in the Power of Your Thoughts
It is important to remember that no one has the power to hurt you emotionally. Here your thought process plays a very important role. When you think about that how can they say this? They have hurt me!
Then you will create the emotion of hurt. But if you think that what they said means nothing. Then those words have no effect on you.
2) Blaming Is Wrong
Their behaviour or words in itself does not have the power to hurt you. You give them the power by BLAMING them for hurting you. It’s very important not to blame anyone.
By not blaming anyone you take our power back. Take responsibility for your emotions and feelings. It is not the job of others to keep you happy and make you feel nice. It’s your duty, and you fulfil this duty by creating a thought process that supports happiness and positivity.
3) Break The Destructive Thought Pattern
When you keep on blaming other people for hurting you, it gradually becomes a habit and today one person’s words will affect you, tomorrow even a stranger’s words can hurt you. It is time to end this pattern and create a new pattern. The one that does not give a DAMN when other people talk disrespectfully.
I am not telling you to tolerate disrespectful words, by all means, if you can speak up for yourself then you should speak up. But there will be times when you might not be able to speak up to disrespectful words, at those times not creating emotional hurt is important.
Do check out my blog on How To Switch From Emotional Dependence To Emotional Independence.
4) Change Your Internal Language
You will have to change the language of your thought process. You will have to repeatedly reinforce the belief that no one has the power to hurt you. Others can say whatever they like but you should refuse to get affected by it.
Changing the internal language needs practice and patience. But it is easy, because this is how God has fundamentally made us. To forgive and forget. It is we who have learnt not to forgive and forget. In fact, it is not normal to create hurt and stay with the pain in your system.
It is important to be CLEAR about what is normal and what is not normal for you. If you think that creating hurt is normal, then you will create hurt. On the other hand, if you think that forgiving and forgetting is normal, then you will forgive and forget easily.
keep on trying to change your internal language regularly, no matter how many times you fail. Take a small step at a time, Changing even one thought initially also makes a huge difference in the long run. Just don’t give up no matter how slow the process is, it will gradually become your automatic way of reacting.
You might also be interested in reading my blog on 3 Essential Raw Materials To Create Positive Thoughts
Heal Your Past Emotional hurt
While it is important not to create hurt, it is also equally important to release the past hurt stored in your system. When you don’t resolve your past emotional hurt it affects your life in the following ways:
1. Makes You Feel Low
The immediate effect is that it makes us feel upset, irritated or cranky and makes us emotionally weak.
2. Sucks Your Energy Subconsciously
If you don’t resolve that hurt, you will keep on carrying it for 5 hours, 5 days, 5 months, 5 years or more until you resolve it. The number of times you replay that incident in your mind, each and every time you create fresh hurt on top of that old wound.
So it is very important that before you sleep you release all the hurt that you created throughout the day and all the past hurt as well, and sleep with a clean slate.
Whenever a disturbing past memory comes up just tell yourself, ‘I choose to release hurt from my mind and replace it with feelings of emotional strength’.
Now just by doing it one or two times that disturbing memory and feelings will not get erased. You will need to keep on answering every time that memory pops up until that memory no longer gives you pain and slowly fades away.
Initially, it could be tough, but just hang on, no matter how many times you fail to release or transform your hurt into something positive. Just don’t give up, keep on trying. There will be light at the end of the tunnel.
3. Could Lead To Mental Health Problems
If you don’t start to work on yourself, your emotional health will keep on declining. Initially, those words will just frustrate you, then gradually they will deplete your strength.
When you have all these past emotional hurt in your system, and if you have to face some major problem in your life. The strength required to deal with the problems is already depleted by emotional hurt. This could increase your chance of us having bigger emotional problems like anxiety, panic attacks, depression etc.
It is important to work on yourself. It does not matter if you have not worked on yourself for so many years. But you can start now. When you take one step at a time, you move from weakness to strength. For this, you can check out my other blog ‘SWITCH FROM EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCY TO EMOTIONAL INDEPENDENCE’.