How To Switch From Emotional Dependence To Emotional Independence

DEPENDENCY is being controlled by something or someone. Emotional dependency is when you depend on outside circumstances like people or situations to arouse positive emotions. Emotional independence is when you choose to feel positive emotions even when the people or situations around you are unfavorable.

Dependencies are not only limited to alcohol, drugs or cigarettes, tea or coffee those are more tangible forms of dependency. We also have some subtle dependencies which are related to emotions. Some of these dependencies are:

1. Dependent on APPRECIATION 

It does feel good when people around us appreciate us, but that does not mean we should be dependent upon them. It is very important to learn to be happy, even if no one appreciates you.

If you are dependent on appreciation from others to feel good about yourself then you won’t be able to protect yourself from feeling upset when you are criticized. 

To achieve emotional independent, it is important to learn to be stable in the face of both appreciation and criticism. This means choosing to be happy when you are appreciated and choosing to be happy even when you are criticised.

Here is what you can do to stay stable when you are appreciated or criticized:

1. When you are appreciated, never think that you are better than others. You might temporarily feel happy when you think that you are better than others, but when you will see someone better than you at something, you will then by default feel sad or jealous. But if you think everyone is equally good, you will feel inspired rather than sad or jealous when you see someone who is better than you at something. That is when you shift from emotional dependence to emotional independence.

2. Similarly, when someone criticizes you, you need to understand that it has nothing to do with you. When anyone criticizes, it is a reflection of who they are and not a reflection of who you are. So when you too criticize anyone, it is a reflection of who you are. 

3. That is why it is important not to criticize anyone. When you stop criticizing people, not only in your words but your thoughts too, the universe will bestow upon you the power to not get affected by others’ criticism of you. This is how the law of karma works, if you don’t indulge in bad stuff the bad stuff will not affect you. 

4. On the other hand, if you have the tendency to criticize people you will surely get affected by the criticism of others, there is no escape from that.

You might also be interested in reading my blog on 4 Easy Tips To Heal All Your Emotional Hurt

2. Dependent upon others’ Opinions about you

You should develop your own opinion about yourself and society, and not get blindly swayed by others’ opinions. For E.g. you might have a good opinion about a person, but if someone tells you not-so-good things about that person, you must be careful not to make their opinion your opinion. 

To achieve emotional independence it is also important to develop healthy opinions about yourself and accept yourself. This means not labeling and judging yourself. In the past, you might have judged that you are not good at something or thatit was difficult for you to do certain things. 

For e.g., I had always thought it is difficult for me to make friends, but when I removed that label and started believing, that I too can make friends. I was able to make some very good friends with deep bonds. It’s not like I have changed drastically and I can be friends with everyone, but now I have the clarity as to what kind of people I want to connect and form friendships with.

So remove all the labels and judgements from you one by one. When you are dependent upon others’ opinions about you, then if someone says that you are good you will feel good and happy, but if someone says that you are not good enough, you will feel sad. 

Also while developing your opinions for others, be very open and accepting of all kinds of people, religions, ideas, etc. It is important not to judge and label others too. The more you judge and label people, the more you give away your power to them to make you unhappy with their actions or behaviour. 

For e.g., when you label your child as naughty or stubborn, whenever they will be stubborn, you will deal with them with aggression or irritation instead of being calm and firm. 

Also when you will stop judging and labelling yourself you will by default stop judging and labelling other people too.

Do check out my blog on 6 Easy Steps To Manifest Your Destiny

3. Dependent upon LYING about Yourself to IMPRESS other people

Lying or bluffing about your achievements, or lifestyle just to impress other people is another form of dependency on other people to make you feel good.

Here two things can happen, if they get impressed by you, you will feel good. But not everyone will be impressed that’s when you will feel insecure. You are giving away your power to other people

For emotional independence, try to stick to the truth because it is not your job to impress others through lies. Be comfortable with who you are and let people choose whether they want to be impressed. 

4. Dependency upon feeling VICTIM

Sometimes you might be dependent on just wanting sympathy from others, to make yourself feel good.

So instead of focusing on solving the problem in your life. You might just want to tell your problems to people who are willing to listen and gain their sympathy. 

You need to realize that It will lead you nowhere. You will have to make your hands dirty and solve your problem because others’ sympathy will not solve it.

5. Dependent upon MATERIALISTIC THINGS for happiness

When your thought process is like ‘when I will get that particular thing, I will be happy’ is detrimental to your happiness quotient. 

That does not mean that you should not acquire materialistic things, but don’t make your happiness dependent on them. If you are dependent on materialistic things, you will be happy when you acquire them, but that happiness will be short-lived, again there will be a new demand and again you will get temporary happiness. 

If you want to be happy unconditionally first, choose to be happy and then work towards acquiring that materialistic thing. Let it enhance your joy and not be the source of your happiness. This is what brings about emotional independence.

Also, check out my blog on 4 Ways In Which Your Present Thoughts Affect Your Life

6. Dependent upon PAST EXPERIENCES

When you feel that your childhood days were the best days of your life, and you cannot have those days again is a sure-shot way to welcome sadness in your life. It prevents you from enjoying your present. 

You need to change your mindset to I am grateful for happy childhood experiences but my present is also beautiful. This is what brings about emotional independence.

Similarly, some of you might feel that our unpleasant childhood experiences have left permanent scars on us. In reality, there are no scars that cannot be healed. Diligently working on healing yourself will lighten those scars and gradually erase them.

You would also like to read my blog on 3 Essential Raw Materials To create Positive Thoughts

8. Dependency to RECEIVE from others

You might expect love, care, understanding and support from others. You need to understand that not everyone will be able to give it to you because chances are that the other person too might also want the same thing from you. 

When others don’t fulfil your expectations of care and support then you get disheartened. Whatever you want from others be it love, care, time etc you need to give it to yourself. Don’t wait for others to give it to you. If you receive it from others then good for you. If they don’t then go ahead and give it to yourself. 

Some people think that it is normal to expect love and care from others, but that is not the case. It is not normal, you might have seen in movies or people around you to expect it from others and you believe that it is normal. 

In fact, it is normal to give love and care to yourself and others. God did not make you expect love and care, god made you give love and care. The more you imbibe this in your thoughts, words and behaviour, the happier you will be.

Conclusion

You might possess some of these or other dependencies, you need to do a minute checking of yourself, identity, reduce and finish those dependencies. 

For this, you can check out my other blog ‘THE SECRET WHICH IS GUARANTEED TO HEAL EMOTIONAL WOUNDS’. 

Let us all strive for Emotional Independence!